10:59 PM

13
10:59 PM

     Bill found his father out on the porch, rocking gently back and forth in the rocking chair. He heard it stop as soon as Bill let the screen door close softly behind him.
     "Son," he said, smiling. "What can I do you for?"
     "Did you know Tommy's out and about with his new girlfriend all day."
     "Deirdre won't let us alone about it."
     "Don't you think, they may be doing some things they ought not be?"
     "Maybe they are, I hope they're not. They're two kids of good character, I think. Her parents are great people. I hope they don't let things get out of their control."
     He started rocking again, satisfied with what he had said very much.
     "But that's on us, don't you think? To make sure they don't do something stupid?"
     He rocked silently, then he sighed.
     "One thing that happened since you were gone is, Tommy tried to kill himself. I don't know if you know that."
     "I do."
     "Well, I was beside myself about it for a little while, and then the doctor gave us a referral for family counseling, and I wouldn't participate in it for a little while, but your mother said this: 'if there were a semi barreling down the highway and you had to get in front of it to save Tommy, would you do it?' I said, 'of course I would.' 'Well, this is that barreling semi. Your son needs your help.' 
     "And so, I swallowed my pride, and I went, and you know what, I was very glad I did. It turned out, I had some things to work on, things with my own father that I'd never thought about or moved beyond. And, you know what? I'm a lot happier as a person, over all, for it."
     "You're letting him lead himself to ruin."
     "Maybe. But I was leading him to ruin to begin with, so it can't be me to lead him out of it, if he is heading towards ruin."
     Bill looked at his father, and he saw a man, a self-satisfied man, of no real principles. Professed faith, but no desire to have his faith inform his actions, or those around him. He had failed. He had accepted, at a point in his life, to not let what should stand in the way of the world as it was. The longer he stayed there, Bill realized, the more he was in danger of becoming like them. Of letting new age concepts of self take place of the firmness of principle.
     Bill's faith was broadly under attack, by being under the roof of people who accepted the principle that happiness of the self came before awe of God. Well, he reasoned, he had a last opportunity to stand in the way of Tommy, if his father wouldn't. And he could also stand in the way of Deirdre being spoiled as well.
     But then, it was not his house. His father was master of the house. To try to be master of the house was not only presumptuous but would have the opposite of the intended effect. It would cause Bill to be lectured about his own behavior instead, humiliating himself, and further emboldening his brother and sister to misbehave and further become ruined.
     He could, of course, put a fear of God in Tommy. If it wasn't God, well, he could give him fear nonetheless. And if Tommy wasn't convinced, well, his girlfriend could be.